im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
