It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Are we still banned from the library?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
