I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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