I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize