You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
