margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
