It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
