I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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