why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
