Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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