The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
