sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
