I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
