i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
