Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
