Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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