Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize