My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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