I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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