I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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