Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
