So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
