You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Even my vagina gasped.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
