I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
