Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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