Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
