Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
