I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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