Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
