piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
