I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
