I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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