the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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