Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
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I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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