we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
