I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
