I'm jealous of your bromance
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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