he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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