Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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