Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
