he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
