I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
