i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
