God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
