I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
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Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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