it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
