end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
