Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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