She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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