You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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