God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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