Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
