Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
