i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
