You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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