No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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