My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize