I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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