ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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