he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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