pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my being single is dangerous.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
