Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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