btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
