im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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